More on asking:
“You create your opportunities by asking for them.”
— Shakti Gawain
“If there is something to gain and nothing to lose by asking, by all means ask!”
— W. Clement Stone
“Anything that’s worth having is worth asking for. Some say yes and some say no.”
— Melba Colgrove
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I also like what my friend J had to say: “Asking for help is actually giving a gift. You are giving someone the opportunity to give … or to practice saying no.”
Hopefully, if you’ve been talking your talk (and walking your walk! *smile*), you’ve assembled a pool of people. Expert people, fan people and even a few kindred spirits. Now you need to ask them for stuff.
You need your people’s ideas, recommendations, referrals, attendance at your events, support and, yes, their money. (Hey, I called it Passion Pays the Bills not Passion Keeps You Comfortable. *wink*)
Because your passion needs to grow. It needs to move out of the safety of your head and into the world to play with others.
This will take a lot of work and a lot energy and you simply can’t supply all the fuel on your own.
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Asking for (or accepting) help is hard. And, like improv, the hard is different for each of us.
Maybe you have trouble admitting you need someone to teach you something (e.g. music theory, car repair, or how to install your new printer). Maybe you can’t let someone buy you dinner when you’re cash poor. Maybe you don’t like asking people to subscribe to your blog, come to your craft show or pledge money to your fund drive. Maybe you can’t ask a friend for a referral or recommendation to someone you know could help you with your passion.
Know that the request that makes you cringe inside (I could NEVER ask for that!) someone else can request without a second thought. Don’t feel bad. You can ask for stuff other people can’t ask for. Each of us has different arena in which asking feels awkward.
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Here’s a secret I’ve discovered …
Most of us like to help.
We like answering questions, being a resource, being able to point someone in the “right” (or at least a new) direction. We like the opportunity (excuse) to get in touch with former colleagues or friends with whom we’ve lost touch. We like the opportunity to share what we’ve learned. (It makes us feel smart and useful.) Sometimes we like the mini-vacation helping someone else lets us take from our own pursuits.
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A few years ago, my family went through some STUFF. This stuff meant I was traveling out of state often and sometimes on very short notice. Before heading out of town on one particular weekend, I dropped off my laundry at a friend’s house and called upon another friend to buy me groceries for when I returned. Prior to these events, I wouldn’t have even thought about asking for this kind of help. But I realized two things.
First, I needed help. (And if I was going to get it, I had to ask for it.) Second, I would do the same for them. If they asked me for these things, I would say yes (and I’d mean it).
So when you’re getting ready to ask someone for something, think about how you would respond to a similar request, remind yourself that people like to help and then … ask.
If you’re like me, you’ve done some daydreaming about your passion. Maybe you have a vision board, or keep a journal or scrapbook. (Maybe you rehearse your acceptance speech before you fall asleep each night. *wink*)
Maybe your passion is only a snapshot in your mind. In it, you’re doing your thing and it’s a “success.” People love it. They buy it or use it or applaud for it. (Or, maybe you just get to do something you love a lot more often. *smile*)
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Having a vision is important. But, if we spend too much time imagining our passion (rather than taking steps to achieve it), we can create a skewed or even unattainable picture of what success at our thing looks like. Or we let others tell us what success at our thing should look like.
This perfect picture can stop us from moving forward and can keep us from recognizing the progress we’re making.
We only see our dreams all dressed up for a night on the town (not in their bathrobes washing the dishes.)
Don’t get discouraged when success doesn’t show up dressed the way you expect, learn to be flexible.
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Being flexible doesn’t mean being fuzzy or wishy-washy about what you want to accomplish. It’s not about compromising your passion’s integrity, it’s about looking for ways to pursue your passion that you can control.
Being flexible allows you to adjust — instead of abandon — your plans when circumstances change. It allows you to set small cumulative goals you can achieve and to acknowledge (heck, maybe even celebrate!) your progress.
Being flexible about your definition of success allows you to pursue your passion more fully. It makes it easier to succeed.
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I recall watching Whoopi Goldberg respond to a question from an audience member on the show the Actor’s Studio many years ago. This person asked her what he needed to do to be an actor. Goldberg replied, “Act.”
She went on to say that finding places to act and ways to work on becoming a better actor were easy. Trying to get famous for acting was a completely different story and involved a lot of luck.
So work to separate doing your passion from getting recognition for doing your passion.
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Spontaneous singing is all about being flexible. When something isn’t working, you explore it and find a way around it. Or you stop and wait for what’s happening around you to change. (But that’s kind of like getting locked out of your house and not looking to see if you have a spare key. If you know somebody else will be home soon, it might make sense to wait. If you live by yourself, you might want to move on to Plan B.)
Usually, you try something else. If that doesn’t work, you try another something else.
You have your vision. Keep adapting and refining the way you do your thing. Keep walking toward success.
(Just make sure you’ll recognize it if it shows up wearing its bathrobe.)
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Remember, Songtaneous is this SATURDAY, November 7 at 2pm. And for those of you in or near the Twin Cities, I’ll be performing at the Artists’ Quarter Friday and Saturday night.
