The Never-ending To Do List
My singer friend M and I were talking the other day about singing for a living and realized “it’s like the to-do list never ends.”
I have worked many (and varied) jobs in the past, but this sensation of the never-ending to-do list seems particular to my self-employed life. I don’t remember feeling like I would never finish my to-dos in my past occupations.
Besides, when you work for somebody else, they assign the priorities. You don’t have to decide what’s important on a global scale. You are a cog in the machine. (Yes, sometimes I miss being a cog. *rueful smile*)
Mostly, when you work for someone else, you are not in charge of everything. Even when I had a to-do list that was pages long, I always felt I could tackle — and eventually — finish it. (And finishing is important to me. *grin*)
When the list was really long, I could give myself permission not to add to the list. No, that’s not quite it — I could prioritize what else should be added to the list and usually add very little. And, I could be objective about the time it might take me to finish a list. Even if I spent a month or more on a project, I still felt like I was making progress.
…
Being in charge of everything is harder.
How much time should I spend looking for gigs? On teaching? On writing? Looking for money?
What about scheduling, software updates, paying bills, marketing, networking, (and writing blog posts *smile*) … ?
Sometimes I get overwhelmed just thinking about it.
…
In fact, that’s where I am right now.
Usually, I can revel in the freedom and flexibility of my self-employed life. The amazing people I have met, the beautiful places I have sung and the profound things I have learned about the music and myself in the last three years.
Every once in a while, I get stuck and indecisive and pine for the days when I walked into my cubicle, sat at my desk and crossed off every item on my list for the day.
…
So what can I do when I find myself wilting under the weight of the overwhelm?
Well, it almost always “the cooldown.” It means I am overtired.
It means I have forgotten (yes, again!) that do-it-yourself work takes more energy than follow-the-leader work.
It usually means I have just finished something big (or a lot of something smalls *grin*) and have to start again.
(And while I’m trying to rewrite my story about starting, it’s still a bit bumpy for me.)
…
It means making new to-do lists that include sleeping in, getting outside, watching TV and lots of time to do nothing.
(Hey, it’s my list, right?)
