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Trying Times

Posted by on Mar 30 2020 | Audio, Listening, Singing Lessons, Songtaneous

I hope you are staying well and finding calm during this tumultuous time. A singer friend of mine asked me if I was blogging right now.

To be honest? Nope, not for a while.

And I’ve been should-ing on myself about it (and many other things).

Then I realized that this cycle of struggling to start, experiencing large shifts in my energy and ability to focus, and holding a vague sense of guilt about it all was/is familiar. I’ve experienced all of these feelings before in my life as a self-employed vocal musician.

Luckily(?), I have over a decade of practice being self-supervised* as my sister calls it. I’ve had to create schedule and structure to my work life before, I’ve worried about having too little work before, and I’ve wondered how I will pay my bills before. And I have built schedule, found (or created) work and paid my bills before. So while the consequences of this pandemic sometimes take those worries to a new level, they are at least (in some ways) familiar.

In fact, I have already written about a lot of those feelings here.

So, in lieu of finding the energy, focus and head space to write thoughtful, introspective new posts, I am going to point you to some posts of the past. I hope something here is useful, inspiring (or at least entertaining or distracting *smile*) for you.

Be well and keep singing.

P.S. *My sister coined the phrase self-supervised in the early years of her doctoral work.

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My 2020 Keyword

Posted by on Jan 20 2020 | Songtaneous

Each January, I select what I call a “keyword” for the year. I call them keywords because they connect to other words and can help amplify or bring forward connections I might not make initially.

For example, in 2017, I chose the keyword FLOURISH because I was working on my album. I knew it would be year of planting seeds and that what I would build could (and hopefully would) carry forth into future years. What I didn’t anticipate was how my network of collaborators and my music-making practice would thrive and grow. In hindsight those connections seem so obvious, but I didn’t have those goals in my mind when I selected flourish.

Last year’s word was ENOUGH.

I’ve shared here before that I don’t regularly refer to my keyword throughout the year. I simply let it sit in the background (aka the back of my brain), and do its thing. Still, I’m slightly embarrassed to say that in December when I was talking about picking a new keyword with my sister, I couldn’t remember the keyword I selected last year. At all. (It’s true; I had to look it up. *sheepish grin*)

But once again, I observed the power of the keyword. Even though I’d completely ignored my keyword as the year progressed, it worked. Looking back, I see last year was a year of enough — enough music-making (including improvising), enough students, enough new projects and (nearly) enough rest. As usual, my keyword had done it’s job. Or if you’ll permit me; it had done enough.

Shift to picking my word for 2020.

Maybe it was the new decade or the double 20s, but it took me longer than usual to settle on this year’s keyword.

After 11 years, I do have a process (of sorts) that I use to come up with my word for the year. Some time in December I acknowledge a new year is coming *smile* and I start thinking about words. I pick them out and try them on, but not actively. It’s more like they sit on the back burner, sort of simmering. When it occurs to me, I recall the words and see if any of them “clicks.”

It’s tempting to pick words that seem clever, or good for me, or ones that I’ll be “good” at. I spent a couple of weeks thinking clarity was my 2020 word. I liked how it connected to 2020, as in 20-20 vision. (Thanks to my friend M for that connection.) But for all it’s cleverness, upon further examination, the word didn’t really resonate. So I moved onto craft.

My spring schedule feels more up in the air than usual this year so part of me (okay many parts of me *smile*) wanted to take charge of how things would go this year. I want to get back to the songwriting sessions I developed in 2017 while working on my album so I thought I could work on my craft while I crafted my year. But upon reflection, it felt like I was forcing the word.

Then I had a conversation with a singer friend of mine who shared that she sometimes picks a song for the year. (I’ll admit I found this idea interesting and completely overwhelming. *smile*) She also talked about a prayer that she says about being visible. And there it was … the click.

I resisted for a while.

It wasn’t my idea so it couldn’t be my keyword. (Apparently, I’ve made up a rule that keywords must be original?) It didn’t take long to realize that was a silly reason to avoid a word.

And, the more I thought about the word visible, the more I resonated with it. I have a goal (and a job requirement) to become more visible. Also, like the word clarity, it has a connection to the idea of seeing clearly in the 2020 decade. (As in things will become visible to me.) Probably most important, however, is that it makes me kind of uncomfortable. I am from the Midwest after all and we have a hard time boasting. It feels a bit scary, not to mention self-centered(!), to ask for attention. (And if I’m really honest, I worry about attracting the wrong kind of attention.)

But.

I’ve learned through singing/improvising that beyond discomfort is where the good stuff is found. The new stuff, the I-didn’t-know-I-had-that-in-me stuff.

Over the past few years, I’ve felt sometimes that I worked very hard at making sure people know who I was and what I was up to (blog posts, emails, social media, etc.), but that those efforts didn’t always result in me being seen. In some ways I know that’s connected to being an Black artist (and woman). In others, it’s about being good at non-musical things like organizing, project planning, technology, marketing, etc. And finally,  it’s about making choices — and music — that show who I really am. To that end …

My keyword for 2020 is VISIBLE.

visible (adj) – that can be seen; perceptible to the eye; apparent; manifest; obvious; being constantly or frequently in the public view; conspicuous;

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My Keyword for 2019

Posted by on Jan 31 2019 | Songtaneous

If you’ve spent time here then you know that I pick what I call a “keyword” at the start of the year.

Keywords connect to other words and ideas and they bring a variety of results.

I usually start thinking about my word in December (but only sporadically given that it’s such a busy time *smile*). In January, I focus on finding a word and usually announce it in the 2nd or 3rd week of the new year. Not so, this year.

This year’s word was slooooooow to arrive.

As always, certain shiny words caught my attention in the moment (the word “root” came to me quite strongly at a musical event I attended) but upon further reflection they all seemed … wrong.

My word for last year was replenish. After a big year of composing and recording in 2017, I imagined I would spend 2018 relaxing and regrouping. Except … that’s not really what happened.

As you may recall, mixing and releasing the album took a lot longer than I had planned (but I learned a TON!) and that meant we released What the Music Says Do in August (not June as I originally had planned).

I even thought about choosing replenish again, but that felt like cheating. (Did I mention I make up rules for myself?)

The days of January continued to pass by and I tried on other words. Nothing felt quite right. I couldn’t do an ambitious word. This wasn’t a year to stretch or grow. I’m still kind of tired from the last two years of stretching and growing *rueful smile*. And I’ve still a got a lot to do to promote my “new” album. And I’ve got a February full of performing. I am not complaining, but things feel … full.

So I wanted/needed a word that would let me rest when I needed, but that could also push me to move forward on the things that (I think) have to happen.

To that end, I chose ENOUGH.

As in …

I am doing ENOUGH. What I have done and will do are ENOUGH. There will be ENOUGH (time, money, rest, gigs, students, etc.)

How about you? Do you have word, goal, resolution or North Star for 2019?

Here are some ideas:

share, focus, replenish, trust, explore, allow, release, start, finish, relax, birth, flourish, savor, simplify, balance, create, dare, prosperity, plant, discover, nurture, wellness, nourish, creativity, discipline, perform, shimmer, power, present, authenticity, beam, be, embody, imperfect, willing, rejuvenate, unpack, …

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