So I have been thinking about discomfort.

We have all have different relationships and comfort (haha) levels with being uncomfortable and those relationships and levels change throughout our lives.

We are set up to be uncomfortable all the time when we are young. We experience it so often, however, that we don’t even label it as discomfort. We go to preschool or kindergarten, we grow out of cribs and clothes, we enter a new grade, we switch to a new school or start thinking about what to do after school. As I said to one of my high school students this past week, we expect things of young people that we no longer do ourselves “Here is something you’ve never done before, go do it!” “Here is a subject you have never studied before, go learn it!” or “Here is another group of kids you don’t know, go make friends!” (Or, in my case, here’s a new song/band/ensemble/venue, go create!)

So it seems that the older we get, the fewer experiences we have that cause discomfort. Perhaps we are even trying to avoid discomfort? (Not you, of course, but sometimes I do. *wink*)

Feeling comfortable is easier; we know what we’re doing and what is expected of us. It can also be hard to notice. Comfortable is/feels normal. So, in a sense, it is the absence of feelings. Discomfort, on the other hand, is definitely noticeable. It feels itchy or unsure or makes us mildly anxious.

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For the past couple of months, I have been trying to observe when I feel uncomfortable. For example, I took a workshop last month and, at the beginning, I noticed that I was uncomfortable. I knew about half the folks, but we were there to learn/explore a new modality and I didn’t know what to expect. More of an issue (for me) was that I didn’t know what might be expected of me.

I realized it had been a while since I had felt this way.

In fact, I’d been feeling pretty comfortable for a while. I figured out how and what (and in what order) to teach my students, I understood the in’s and out’s of my many job(s), and I’d been getting to work with the same singers and players pretty regularly. All pretty comfortable.

So if everything is comfortable and working, why change anything?

Well, we can miss opportunities for growth and learning if we’re comfortable all of the time. If everything’s good, then what makes us seek out new friends, move to new cities, or start new jobs? Why learn or write new songs or work with new players? (Why quit your day job and go to music school?)

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I think we have to practice being uncomfortable. That, when done often, being uncomfortable keeps us flexible and makes us more empathetic to the needs and comforts of others. We can take a broader view of situations and consider that others may be feeling discomfort, too. (I will definitely think about my experience in that workshop when I teach my own workshops later this month.)

Most important, we learn that feeling comfortable is not the same thing as being safe.

It’s a new year and I am (still) working on a new vision for the Songtaneous Blog. (You’ll know as soon as I do. *smile*)

In the meantime, I figured a great place to start posting again would be to pick my keyword for the year. For those keeping score at home, this is keyword #4.

Why Keywords?

I call them keywords because a keyword is connected to other words and other ideas. When you search using a keyword, you get a range of results that are all connected to the keyword. When I pick my word for the year, I begin to notice occurrences and outcomes connected to my word.

I don’t think the keyword creates these outcomes; for me, keywords work kind of like my vision board. I work to be thoughtful and conscientious when I am picking my word, but after that … I don’t really do anything with it. It is just there, running in the background, helping draw my attention and point me in the right directions.

Picking a Keyword

I usually “try on” a number of words before I find the right one for the year. It is like finding something on the rack in the store and then going to the dressing room to see if it fits.

Oh. That word’s too much. That one’s too small. That word would look better on someone else.

And, of course, sometimes I have to separate the word I want from the word I need.

The year after I graduated from music school, I really (REALLY) wanted to pick WEALTH as my word. But the more I thought about it, the more I could sense that the WEALTH was too much. (Not always — to be clear, I am not asking wealth to stay way.)

But, picking wealth that year would have been a set up. I was in too much transition to create wealth. Plus, focusing on wealth would have caused me to forgo some of the exploring I needed to do in order to find my voice as an artist. I chose the DISCIPLINE as my keyword that year to help me build the routines and systems I would need to develop my music career.

My keyword for 2011 was EMBODY. I started the year on the other side of the world at a loss as to how to integrate what I was learning about vocal improvisation (and myself! *smile*) with “the rest” of my music career. I knew I needed to figure out how to bring improv into my performances (and my teaching!) in order to take my next steps.

I also had to get comfortable with the whole idea of being an artist. Believe you me, imagining and then bringing into being things no one else sees as your vocation takes some getting used to. (I also suspect it is a step on the path to wealth. *grin*)

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My keyword for 2012 is CREATE.

A tiny part of me was a little disappointed that it wasn’t a flashier or more unique word, but (as my friend M says) when I know, I know.

This coming year is a time to create things. I am not sure exactly what I will end up inventing — performances, CDs, singing groups, teaching aids, etc. — but it feels like the year for figuring it out.

Finding Your Own Keyword

Maybe you knew as soon as you started reading this post, what your keyword for 2012 would be. Maybe you still have no idea. (Maybe you think keywords, 2012 and me are all big dumby-heads. *smile*)

I tend to choose verbs for my keywords. (That’s just my personality: If I’m going to spend a year with a word, I guess I think it should do something. *grin*)

You can pick a noun, adjective, adverb, gerund … whatever. YOU are the person who knows where you next need to walk and what word should keep you company.

If you are struggling to pick just one word, try thinking about which word you want to try next. Picking a single word lets you experience the focus a single concept can bring. If it ends up being wrong, (wrong, wrong!), I promise you can change it. (And, hey, if you need two words — the keyword police aren’t going to show up at your door.)

One last idea.

If you just can’t find the right word, create one. (Hey, I invent words — songtaneous, singingly — all the time! *grin*)

My sister invented the word “attackle” last year. As in: “When I get home, I will attackle that.”

Maybe you want ATTACKLE 2012. Or IMPROVERATE it. Or GLIM-SHIMMER-SHINE in it.

It’s not the word really. It is the time spent cogitating on your word that creates traction for the new year.

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To help get your wheels turning, I have included some ideas below.

clarity, unpack, glean, do, share, give, healing, explore, vibrant, nurture, flow, decide, commit, simplify, shine, balance, embody, expand, change, generosity, prosperity, abundance, make, mastery, release, flourish, choose, allow, savor, enjoy, enliven, seeds, grow …

I tried to pack for my trip while watching/listening to this video of Krista Tippet interviewing Bobby McFerrin for the npr show “On Being.” After “rewinding” it several times, however, I wisely released my need to multi-task and sat down to give it my full attention.

(My improvisor’s intuition was trying to tell me something; and I hadn’t been listening.)

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I had been trying to get ready for my trip and “failing.” I just couldn’t seem to get or stay on track. In preparing to travel this time, I  felt the familiar pre-trip stress, but also jangly and unsettled and vocally “off;” this was more than just pre-travel jitters.

My ever think-y brain was trying to convince me that I was tired and stressed about how many tasks I had to complete before I could depart, but watching the interview (and the singing it soon inspired *smile*) helped me get in touch with how I was feeling.

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First, I haven’t been singing. I’ve been working and making travel arrangements and teaching (and working), but I haven’t been singing. Well, not much and not spontaneously. And spontaneous singing has become an important part of how I check in and get and stay centered. (Of course, I feel discombobulated! *sheesh*)

Second, I always experience nerves before heading out for these weeks of singing. I forget to trust the process of improv. I forget that it can be hard to see my own growth (particularly when I haven’t been singing *rueful grin*)  Did I practice enough? Learn enough? Improve enough? (Enough for whom?)

Third, I am mourning the end of my time in this study and this farewell week I will spend with my European singers. (And it has even happened yet!) I will miss the incredible music, safety, adventure and connection I experience singing with my circle of classmates. It’s hard to explain how a circle of 21 feels intimate (but it does *smile*).

I trust that I will sing with all of them again – the music has a way of maintaining the connections it brings into being *grin* – but I feel sad that the next time and place is not clearly drawn in the future.

So (surprise, surprise) in sitting still long enough to listen to this interview (and write this post), I have begun to figure out what is really going on.

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Back to the interview. *smile*

(Admittedly biased,) I found each topic more fascinating than the last. From how it feels to be on stage to “reading” stories to his children; from American Idol to our ancestral memories; and from trusting our voices to letting go of mistakes, Bobby McFerrin talks about singing and music in a way I profoundly recognize.

It was really important for me to get reconnected to the music – and what it means for and to me – before leaving to conclude my year-long study with my All The Way In classmates.

So since I’ll be away (and not posting), I’m sharing this long (over an hour) interview for you to savor and digest in my absence. (Enjoy!)