I tried to pack for my trip while watching/listening to this video of Krista Tippet interviewing Bobby McFerrin for the npr show “On Being.” After “rewinding” it several times, however, I wisely released my need to multi-task and sat down to give it my full attention.

(My improvisor’s intuition was trying to tell me something; and I hadn’t been listening.)

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I had been trying to get ready for my trip and “failing.” I just couldn’t seem to get or stay on track. In preparing to travel this time, I  felt the familiar pre-trip stress, but also jangly and unsettled and vocally “off;” this was more than just pre-travel jitters.

My ever think-y brain was trying to convince me that I was tired and stressed about how many tasks I had to complete before I could depart, but watching the interview (and the singing it soon inspired *smile*) helped me get in touch with how I was feeling.

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First, I haven’t been singing. I’ve been working and making travel arrangements and teaching (and working), but I haven’t been singing. Well, not much and not spontaneously. And spontaneous singing has become an important part of how I check in and get and stay centered. (Of course, I feel discombobulated! *sheesh*)

Second, I always experience nerves before heading out for these weeks of singing. I forget to trust the process of improv. I forget that it can be hard to see my own growth (particularly when I haven’t been singing *rueful grin*)  Did I practice enough? Learn enough? Improve enough? (Enough for whom?)

Third, I am mourning the end of my time in this study and this farewell week I will spend with my European singers. (And it has even happened yet!) I will miss the incredible music, safety, adventure and connection I experience singing with my circle of classmates. It’s hard to explain how a circle of 21 feels intimate (but it does *smile*).

I trust that I will sing with all of them again – the music has a way of maintaining the connections it brings into being *grin* – but I feel sad that the next time and place is not clearly drawn in the future.

So (surprise, surprise) in sitting still long enough to listen to this interview (and write this post), I have begun to figure out what is really going on.

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Back to the interview. *smile*

(Admittedly biased,) I found each topic more fascinating than the last. From how it feels to be on stage to “reading” stories to his children; from American Idol to our ancestral memories; and from trusting our voices to letting go of mistakes, Bobby McFerrin talks about singing and music in a way I profoundly recognize.

It was really important for me to get reconnected to the music – and what it means for and to me – before leaving to conclude my year-long study with my All The Way In classmates.

So since I’ll be away (and not posting), I’m sharing this long (over an hour) interview for you to savor and digest in my absence. (Enjoy!)

As singers, we learn so much through imitation that it’s easy to get discouraged when we don’t sound like other singers.

Guess what?

We’re not supposed to.

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You are supposed to sound like you. In fact, you are the only one who does.

So embrace it.

Revel in it.

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Declare a truce with your voice.

Whether you feel like your voice is filet mignon or meatloaf, learn to love it. (Or at least to like it.)

If you spend all your time concentrating on what your voice can’t do, you’ll never discover what it can.

And I promise you that you can do things with your voice that no one else can.

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(Please!) Don’t let what others can do with their voices stop you from finding out what you can do with yours.

Be selfish.

Worry less about how other people experience your voice and instead focus on how you experience singing.

How does it make you feel? What do you have to say?

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I really like my voice. It may not be modest, but it’s true.

More important, I feel awake and alive when I sing.

(And I’m at peace with that. *smile*)

“Every time I go  into the darkness, I return with fistfuls of jewels.” – Barbara McAfee

As many of you know, tonight is the Winter Solstice (yay! more sunlight soon!). What you may not know is that tonight is also a lunar eclipse. It is unlikely that we will ever see this combination of events again in our lifetimes.

If you’re awake, bundle up, go outside and look.

(Maybe even sing something. *wink*)