I was reading a post on the Art of Nonconformity blog (see blogs I read in the sidebar at right) a while ago about How to Conduct Your Own Annual Review. I admit my analytical, business-y side (is that my left or right brain?) was intrigued, evenly mildly excited, by the idea. After all if you don’t plan your work then you’re just planning to fail, right? (Insert peppy, motivational voiceover here.)

I worked with his spreadsheet and began setting goals for the year. Some were fun — more students, more Songtaneous, more singing! Some were less fun — more (full-time?) work, more exercise, less spending.

Truly, I was pretty much in love with the whole concept until I started trying to come up with my theme (think of it as a keyword) for the year. “This is the summary of the whole year – what’s it going to look like? Who will I be for the next year?”  Uh-oh, I had a sneaking suspicion I was in trouble.

You know when you know that you’re not being entirely honest with yourself? Well, that happened to me with my theme.

I tried out keywords like – GROWTH, HEALTH, TRANSITION, PREPARATION (The last two I blatantly stole from Chris). And although these are all great themes and certainly would improve my life if I spent the year focusing on them, in my heart of hearts, I knew I was latching on to them because I was avoiding my true theme.

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My keyword for 2009 is DISCIPLINE.

Yup, I’m not one for resolutions, but in 2009 I’m committing to establishing more discipline around my music and my work. What does this mean? More consistent workdays, a documented practice routine, more regular blog posts … you get the idea.

I have a friend whose theme for the year is BALANCE. How about you? What’s your “keyword” for 2009?

I stumbled across this test on YouTube (okay, I was sposed to be putting the final touches on my web site redesign … I was taking a little break!) You can take this left-brain/right-brain test by watching the video at right.

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Done? Okay. Here are the “results.”

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WHAT IT MEANS
If [you see the dancer turning] clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and [if you see the dancer turning counter-clockwise, then you use more of the left side of the brain].

Most of us would see the dancer turning anti-clockwise [counter-clockwise] though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic, detail oriented, facts rule, words and language, present and past, math and science, can comprehend, knowing, acknowledges, order/pattern perception, knows object name, reality based, forms strategies, practical, safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling, “big picture” oriented, imagination rules, symbols and images, present and future, philosophy & religion, can “get it” (i.e. meaning), believes, appreciates, spatial perception, knows object function, fantasy based, presents possibilities, impetuous, risk taking

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Okay, so I don’t know if this test tells if I’m right- and/or left-brained or just highlights my suspicious nature, because I see this dancer moving in BOTH directions and a (pretty big) part of me still thinks it’s a trick. (C’mon, if there isn’t something in the image that determines the spinning direction, how can they “change” the direction in the video? You know, when they tell us “now the image is moving clockwise”, “now it’s moving counter-clockwise?” Like I said, suspicious.)

Putting my misgivings aside, I guess the important parts are that …

• I see the dancer move clockwise first and
• I can change the direction in which she spins. (Don’t know what that means?)

Fascinating!

Why? Because if you’d shown me the two lists above and asked me which list best applied to me, I’d have chosen the left brain functions hands down. (And I don’t think I’m deluding myself — I suspect people who know me well would say the same.) But according to this, I am more right-brained. Who’d’ve thunk?

(Is improvising changing my brain?! How cool would that be!)

Sometimes while singing together, the energy stops. Things stop working, clicking — you know, gelling. It happens in different situations and under different circumstances.

Like when we don’t know each other. When we start something new. When we close our eyes and cast our voices (and our selves!) into the void. When we don’t know what to expect or how we’ll be received.

Any and all of these situations can lead to … big black holes of fear (BBHoF).

BBHoF absorb and distill the energy of any singing circle. The energy gets diverted — it heads to one or two places in the circle and then drains away.

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If you look you can see them. BBHoF cause singers to become very small in their bodies and to focus away from the group. Other symptoms may include furtive glances, hunched or clenched shoulders, white knuckled grips, inappropriate laughter and, sometimes, tears.

BBHoF make us unable to participate, unable to give back, unable to reflect. That’s why the energy stops.

(Hey, wait a minute! This is how fear works everywhere.)

Fear drains away excitement. It makes us unable to be open and connect or to imagine positive possibilities and outcomes. It limits our ability to express ourselves. It sends the shiny newness of our experiences down a big black hole.

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I’m not saying we shouldn’t be afraid. Doing new stuff is scary. (Quitting my job of 9 years to return to music school – terrifying!). It’s also exciting, invigorating, instructive and can even be fun and rewarding.

I’m reminded constantly how much fear singing brings up for people. How vulnerable it makes us feel. How little permission we get outside of church choirs or other structured activities to sing. It makes me sad for singers and angry. I get such good stuff from singing — I want all of you to get it, too!

I commit to creating singing circles and communities where we allow our fears, face them and then let them drain away down big black holes all their own.