A new year means it is time for a new keyword.

One of the things I like about selecting a keyword each year is that it gives me an opportunity to look back on the previous year and my other keywords.

In 2009, I chose DISCIPLINE. I had graduated recently and was taking the first steps in building my music career. I had been blogging for about 6 months and was looking for footholds in teaching and gigging.

The next year, I selected NOURISH and it helped me banish burnout by remembering the importance self care. I also began to really understand and accommodate the energy cycles being self-supervised involves.

After that, I picked EMBODY.  I had just returned from Tenerife in the Canary Islands and I wanted “to spend the next year becoming what I glimpsed about music and improvisation in Africa.” (Three years later, I’m sharing some of those glimpses in Between: A Journey Through the Middle.)

2012’s word was CREATE. And it led to year of business-building activities like re-launching my workshops and private lesson studio.

And, that brings us to last year.

(With reluctance *smile*), I acknowledged that START needed to be my keyword.

I was beginning work on my grant-funded vocal work and had no clue where to begin. The energy of starting has rarely inspired me. I can go like gangbusters once I hit the home stretch, but corralling the myriad details and threads at a project’s beginning has always felt overwhelming.

Honestly, I don’t know how much spending the year starting has changed that, but in choosing START, I no longer let myself avoid starting. And, I noticed as I worked through the details of Between, that while the starting didn’t seem to get much easier, it did seem to take me less time to move through my resistance to it. Between’s schedule simply demanded (demands *smile*) that I keep moving. I couldn’t stay stuck at the start.

So even thought starting still isn’t simple, I seem to move through it more quickly.

…

That brings us to this year.

When I’m dreaming up my keyword for an upcoming year, the goal is to find a word that will work for the entire year.

With Between on the horizon, my attention kept being pulled toward words that applied well to the February shows — focus, calm (don’t panic!) — but it felt like these words wouldn’t have a lot of relevance after Feb 7 & 8. I needed a word with staying power, something to get me through my shows in February and then still work for the rest of the year.

So after picking up and discarding a number of words (and slogans), I chose PRESENT as my keyword for 2014.

“present adj. – being, existing, or occurring at this time or now; being with one or others or in the specified or understood place; mentally alert and calm.”

“present v. – to bring before or introduce to the public; offer for consideration; to furnish or endow with a gift or the like, especially by formal act”

“present n. – an item given as a gift”

…

My mom told me she wished the word “joy” for me this year. (Thanks, Mom *smile*) For me, PRESENT is part of that.

I want to be present enough to savor the experiences  — the good and even the more challenging ones — of creating my first large-scale work. I want to revel in the rehearsals and performances with “my” wonderful artists.

In short, I want to notice and enjoy all the parts of the first show that I conceived, produced and will perform.

…

And the last definition of present, a noun meaning gift. That seems really important, too.

I want to share this experience with others. I want to share it with you. *smile*

So, on that note, may I PRESENT …

Between: A Journey Through the Middle

A vocal journey exploring multiple meanings of being in the “between” spaces.

TWO SHOWS
Friday, February 7th – 8:00 pm
& Saturday February, 8th – 8:00 pm
Mixed Blood Theater
1501 S. 4th Street
Minneapolis
Tickets: http://between.bpt.me

So I am in the process of creating an improvised vocal work, called Between.

And, boy, does the name fit.

Between is coming up all over the place as I work on this project. For me, it connects to my original experience in Tenerife of finding myself between Africa and North America and feeling connected and disconnected to a place at the same time.

In the time since the trip, however, Between has expanded to an exploration of being a biracial/bicultured, middle child who is attempting to hold and balance ancestral lineage and wisdom with contemporary intuition and improvisation. (Or something like that.)

…

So there is this idea or identity of Between that I am using the work to explore, but Between is also showing up in the process itself.

And that feels more challenging (and less art-y).

For example, I am between starting and finishing.

I am looking for a sound and collection of musicians somewhere between a choir and an ensemble and between a vocal group and a band.

I want a performance space that feels like something between a theater and recital hall so the audience can witness and interact.

Not to mention that I am switching between being the project’s creator and producer. (These are very different roles.)

…

Most relevant, however, is that I am working to create a piece that is something between a composition and improvisation. Something between a journey and a destination or a story and a moral.

The main question I have to answer is how does one or, at least, how do I compose an improvised work?

Or improvise a composed work.

Or something in between. *smile*

As you may know, I am working on a full-length improvised vocal work. (It’s called Between and was/is inspired by my visit to the Canary Islands in 2010-11.)

Now, I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me that the creation process for an improvisational project would require so much flexibility.

…

Something about moving an idea out of my mind and into the world always takes more energy than I expect. Rehearsals and artists have shifted and the first clear firework of this idea has faded a bit. I guess it’s simply the tension between limitless possibilities and a single desired reality that can make my head start to hurt.

Oh, and that I don’t know what I’m doing. *smile*

…

I don’t mean that in a throw-up-my-hands, ditch-the-project “I have no idea what I’m doing!” kind of way.

I know what I’m attempting, I have a vision for which I’m striving, and I have faith that I can manifest it.

But I haven’t done this before so I am figuring out how to do it.

Now. With this project.

…

I find that as we get older we find ourselves in the position of not knowing less and less often. Sometimes this is a conscious choice, other times it just … happens. We learn our jobs, our partners, our friends. We know what’s expected of us and how to do it.

And, it’s comfortable to know. It feels good to be confident and sure.

But I’ve learned to appreciate not knowing.

(Most of the time,) I like figuring things out. I find it satisfying and rewarding.

As I say to my scat singing students, one of my favorite things about improvising is “solving the problem.” It satisfies the part of me that has a great love of order and appreciation of resolution.

I dig that each of us gets to decide what the problem is for ourselves and I love that the solutions are as infinite and varied as we are.

I am fascinated by the fact that in one moment there is no solution and in the next one can present itself from our intuition, experience and knowledge.

By spending time not knowing, we learn new things and invite unanticipated answers. We acquire varied skills, meet unforeseen collaborators and — at least in my case — create new music.

clip from 1st Between rehearsal (Bruce Henry and me)